Resolving some of your own Emotional Loops

I am often asked by clients what they can do at home to resolve some of the Emotional Loops that may be affecting their lives.

What I recommend is Journal Writing – I recommend it because I know the positive things it brings into my own life. I rate Journal Writing on par to Meditation in terms of the positive effect it can have on your life. I believe both disciplines bring huge benefits in terms of our wellbeing – mental, emotional and physical. The journal is a silent witness to whom I share my inner thoughts, concerns, ideas, concepts, possibilities, feelings, meanderings. I may start writing my journal from an initial idea that I want to write something out, but in the act of writing something else often happens - and it can often take me to shores I didn’t expect. It is a place where my shadows and shades can express themselves. Sometimes when I re-read journals I am surprised at the insight or wisdom I find etched on the pages. Sometimes I am amused by the endless pettiness and pickiness of what was ‘the issue’ from some prior time. A journal gets things into perspective.

The reason I think it has a positive effect on my life is that is a forum where I can offload, sort and process. I think everyone needs a forum that they can do that, and although my thing is Journal Writing, for you it may be exercise or art or whatever.

If you are considering Journal Writing, I would suggest that you buy a beautiful book specifically dedicated to that purpose. Ensure that your journal is private and off limits to others – the idea behind Journal Writing is that is a forum where you can say or express things that you would not necessarily do if you knew you had an audience – it is your private place. Many times I express or write things that I didn’t even know was lying beneath the surface – and what I write is not necessarily a reflection of my public persona. I tend to think that all journals should be stamped with a disclaimer at the front which says “the opinions or views expressed herein are not necessarily that held by the author”. I suggest you handwrite your journal – a blog, or writing your journal on a computer is not the same – the act of hand writing with errors, doodles, strike outs, leaky pens, spelling mistakes and bad grammar is a much more personal intimate experience.

Maybe Journal Writing isn’t your cup of tea. That’s okay. I don’t know what forum you have in your life for you to offload, sort and process, but whatever it is, I would suggest that you let yourself dive deeply. Unprocessed emotions, unsorted relationships, unreflected concerns, unexpressed ghosts of “could of, should of, would of” accumulate into ever larger and messy piles – and much like a hoarder – the space or energy you have left in your life to live your life gets smaller and smaller.

Life and health is a full energy experience, and by energy I mean more than physical energy – we also need emotional energy in order to maintain our health and wellbeing.

The Dragonfly Transformations philosophy and what makes it unique

Want to improve your relationships?

One simple but highly effective way to improve relationships - regardless of whether its your love relationship, relationship with children or siblings, or business relationships is to practise being a good listener.

Talking is easy, but listening is so much harder. 

We put a lot of emphasis on talking: mastering – our language, tone etc.  And if you aren’t confident about speaking in public, we even have public speaking classes and groups. 

Yet we don’t tend to have the same emphasis on listening.  It’s almost an assumption that if you can hear, you can listen.  Have you heard of a listening class?  Or anyone billed as a keynote listener? 

Being a good listener is invaluable – in fact, being good listener can have a huge positive effect on your life. 

Good listeners are often deemed to be really good communicators.  Why?  Because listening is about hearing what is actually being said – not only the words, but the tone and the body language.  It’s about being present in the conversation.  No winding thoughts about what to get at the supermarket later on. 

A good listener also hears the emotions behind the words.  In paying attention, the listener is validating or acknowledging the talker.  A good listener isn’t using that time to ‘mentally construct’ their next statement or a defensive response. 

So are you a good listener?  

One way to find out is to get your friends, family or work colleagues – people you communicate with regularly and who you know will answer honestly to respond "yes" or "no" to the following 10 questions. Do not answer the questions yourself.

1. During the past two weeks, can you recall an incident where you thought I was not listening to you?

2. When you are talking to me, do you feel relaxed at least 90% of the time?

3. When you are talking to me, do I maintain eye contact with you most of the time?

4. Do I get defensive when you tell me things with which I disagree?

5. When talking to me, do I often ask questions to clarify what you are saying?

6. In a conversation, do I sometimes overreact to information?

7. Do I ever jump in and finish what you are saying?

8. Do I often change my opinion after talking something over with you?

9. When you are trying to communicate something to me, do I often do too much of the talking?

10. When you are talking to me, do I often play with a pen, fiddle with my mobile, play with my hair or do something else at the same time? 

Scoring:

An outstanding listener would have achieved the following 1 = NO, 2 = YES, 3 = YES, 4 = NO, 5 = YES, 6 = NO, 7 = NO, 8 = YES, 9 = NO, 1- = NO.

If you received 9-10 correct answers = be proud – you are an outstanding listener,

If you received 7-8 correct answers = doing really well – you’re a good listener,

If you received 5-6 correct answers = you possess average listening skills; and

Less than 5 correct answers = what can I say?

Quitting the habit of a lifetime ...